This weekend Frogger and I were out on our back patio grilling for lunch and enjoying a lazy day when we started talking about the future. You know, the real future…like, hey – we’re getting married, what do we see for our future together? Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had this conversation many times in the past but this time, more realizations started to surface for me. We’re just a couple of months from our wedding, perhaps that has something to do with it?
And it hit me. I’m going to be 30 this year. THIRTY. Remembering back when I was a kid, 30 seemed so old. Time has somehow disappeared and shoved me into this unknown realm of “old” age. I started thinking about what I thought my life would be like when I was 30 – would I be married, what would I do for a living, would I have kids, where would I live?
It’s funny, I was always the one of my friends and even in my family who knew I wouldn’t be married first. My parents divorced when I was very young. They were married for 17 years and tried very hard to make it work but ultimately they weren’t the best fit for one another. Everyone has their own feelings about marriage and divorce and in my case, I wholeheartedly believe that it was the absolute best decision for my well-being as their child. And had they stayed together “for my sake,” I think it would have been a big mistake. Seeing them both happy and in healthy, loving relationships was crucial to building an example for my future.
Because of this trend in their generation to marry young, I came to the decision that I wanted to wait to get married. I can’t remember the exact quote but I remember seeing a movie where the younger woman got advice from the older woman and the gist was: “You are a total idiot throughout your twenties just trying to figure out who you are. That’s hard enough without attaching yourself to another total idiot.” Somehow that really sank in for me, I totally got the idea of what she was saying and it really did make sense. You change so much throughout your twenties, it would be very hard to know whether the person you are with will grow with you together or if you will grow apart...happily and sadly, I've seen both.
My cousin (one of our groomsmen) and I grew up a year apart and I’ve always thought of him like a brother. I’m the older one but we always used to joke that he would definitely be married and have kids before I did. We just somehow knew that he was a "marry now" and I was a "marry later"…and wouldn’t you know, he was married in 2007 and he and his lovely wife now have an adorable little boy – while I’m just getting married this year with very distant plans for a family…hear that Mom? Just making sure.
I remember on one of my very first dates with Frogger, I asked him how old he wanted to be when he got married. It was one of those moments that I knew if I didn’t ask right away, when we were first starting out, I wouldn’t be able to ask without it becoming an awkward moment. I was honestly curious to see if he was a “marry now” or “marry later” kind of guy. As luck would have it, he was a “marry later” like me. This was just one of the many things we discovered that night that we had in common in terms of our thoughts for our futures…and here we are with our futures about to be officially merged.
(During our first summer together…can I please get that tan back?)
Even though I have been working full time (supporting myself) for eight years, Frogger and I have been dating for almost seven years, we’ve been engaged for more than a year and are getting married in July…it’s still hard to believe that I’m a grown up sometimes. Am I alone on that? Do you ever look around and wonder where time went and how you came to have all of this responsibility?
Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my life and am beyond happy but seriously…where did the time go? :) Did you know early on if you were a “marry now” or a “marry later” – was that the path you ended up traveling?
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