When I say trim - I'm not talking haircut...I'm talking guest list. Whether you are planning your wedding or are just stalking these sites until you and your love are ready to plan your wedding (don’t lie, we’ve all done it)…you will inevitably get to the point where you must tackle the dreaded guest list. And please know, I say that with love – but good grief is it ever difficult to narrow down a list of people who you will invite to one of the biggest days of your lives. And yes, I realize I just said good grief and that makes me sound like I’m 85 years old and I’m okay with it.
On one hand, you don’t want to invite people that you feel required to invite but on the other hand, you don’t want anyone to get hurt or feel left out. It can be a very expensive guilt-trip.
I have a confession to make. I hear many people say that with an unlimited budget, they would invite everyone they possibly could. I’m not one of those people. There. I said it. I’m of the opinion that no matter what my budget, there are only certain people that really matter to me to have there. I would prefer to have it be small and intimate. I realize that there are many that will disagree but that’s what makes this bloggerific world so entertaining, yes?
I’m no expert but I do have a few ideas of how to go about the process in a way that may help alleviate some of the strain it can put on you as a couple. And let me tell you, it can create some very interesting “conversations.” For example, how he can want to invite his “friend” that lives on the other side of the country that he hasn’t mentioned in the years you’ve been together, never talks to and doesn’t even know how to spell his last name – kind of conversations. Of course, that’s just a “for instance” – I have not experienced anything of the sort…
First up – sit down together and just start listing out family and friends that you both would like included, don’t try to limit yourself, just put down all of the names that come to mind. Once you’ve got that list created, go through and decide together who is a must, who you would like to come and who is a maybe. It sounds a bit cruel but it’s the best way to gather your thoughts and see how many people you are working with.
From there, you can incorporate the lists you will (most definitely) receive from your parents. This could result in multiple lists, depending on whether each set of parents is still married or is re-married. There are many factors that play into parent lists – if they are helping to pay for the wedding, etc. so be gentle when you explain your point-of-view when discussing the impact of their lists. (Don’t forget to decide where you stand on having children at the wedding and what the cut-off age is across the board as that will impact your overall guest count as well.)
Now comes the tough part. You have the full list of people that everyone would like included. Typically, this will be more than you can afford had planned for. Here are a few ways I've heard couples mention that helped them to narrow it down.
- Does this person or couple call you/send you a card on your birthday or holidays? Do you do the same for them?
- Would you treat this person or couple to a night out on another occasion?
- Would this person or couple be hurt if you didn’t invite them, or would they understand?
- Can this person or couple even come on the date/time you have selected?
- If the couple isn't married, how long have they been dating? (Be sure to enforce this across the board if you decide that couples must have been dating for a certain period of time to avoid hurting feelings.)
- Have you seen this person or couple in the past year?
- Split the list into equal parts and allow everyone the same amount, or an agreed upon amount/percentage of invites (split into bride, groom, bride’s parents, groom’s parents)
If it becomes too difficult to separate people into groups, you can always go to the opposite extreme and make the ceremony very intimate. The upside to going that route is you limit the cost, you have all of the people that are musts and you can throw a fun, casual reception later where everyone can attend. With the current state of the economy this tends to be a popular choice. It’s very easy to throw a bash in your own home/backyard…and it’s an excuse to wear your dress a second time – bonus!
For Frogger and I, we count ourselves lucky that our list was relatively small when all was said and done. We definitely had discussions about guests and made sure to decide together (with our parents) how the list would be created but ultimately, we are thrilled that we didn't have too many awkward moments.
Were you lucky like us or was the guest list more of a challenge to create? How did you handle making cuts?
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